Living in Harmony (Part 2): Tips to Make it Work

“If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.” Roman 12:18

In the last issue we discussed how to live in harmony when you and your spouse, roommate, or co-worker are at opposite ends of the neatness spectrum.  (July/Aug 2009)  Let’s look at some practical tips to make living in harmony a possibility.

Safe Zones:  Establish some safe zones in and around your home or workplace where the other person has absolute control over how that area looks and functions.  There is no interfering (moving things around), no nagging and no complaining about the safe zones.  In our home those safe zones are the basement workshop, the garage, and the inside of an antique secretary.  If one of your safe zones is a shared space, like the garage, make your needs clearly and unemotionally known.  For instance; “I need to be able to get to my garden tools without climbing over something.”  That is a reasonable request that can be accommodated even if it means clearing a path to the wall, but that is where your request ends.  There are no snide remarks about the path or how much stuff there is or “if you would organize it you could find it” type comments.  Easier said than done.

System:  Establish a system that works for the other guy.  This was a light bulb moment at our house.  I have all kinds of systems that work for me…but didn’t trip my husband’s trigger.  I tried every possible incentive for filing the paperwork but the desk just kept getting deeper and deeper.  We finally talked, not TALKED, but talked; calmly and unemotionally.  He hates filing.  After coming home from a day at work and then having to take time to pay the bills, the last thing he wanted to do was spend more time filing.  Okay, we now have a file folder stand on our desk with box bottom folders.  One is labeled “Bills to be Paid” and one is labeled “To Be Filed”.  All the bills are right there where he needs them and when he is done he slides them into the “To Be Filed” folder.  I accepted the responsibility for filing, which can be done whenever I have time or when the file is full.  The desktop is clean, we can find what we need, everybody is happy.

Step Back: Re-evaluate your goals in light of the big picture.  What are you really trying to accomplish in your home or workplace?  Review the systems you have established and running with everyone involved; are they working, are they accomplishing the goal? Remember relationships are always more important than things.

Living in harmony is possible with communication and sensitivity from all parties.