Living in Harmony:  Messy vs. Neat as A Pin (Part 1)
"If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all." Romans 12:18

He left the empty ice cream carton in the sink again and didn’t wipe off the counter!

Believe it or not he’s not out to make you mad…he’s just not wired that way.  (Gender references here are arbitrary…neat and messy are not gender specific.)  So how do you live or work with someone who neglects the simplest efforts towards order or someone who cannot let go of the most arcane details in your living space?

Acknowledgement:  An important first step to harmonious living is recognizing that we do not function alike.  The hardest part of that step is not labeling the other person’s behavior.  Just because a person is “messy” doesn’t necessarily mean they are “lazy”.  If a person is “very neat and organized” it doesn’t automatically make them “obsessive”.  Acknowledging and respecting that the other person was created to think on a different track than you is imperative to getting along with them.

Compromise:  When you are serious about living in harmony and respecting the other person you would be surprised at where you are able to compromise.  Coming into the situation willing to negotiate usually accomplishes much more than hard and fast demands.  Is it really imperative for him to carry out the papers immediately after reading them?  Is it really impossible to hang up your coat when you walk in the door?  I know compromise is easier said than done. But think about it; a peaceful home is a more productive home.

Diversity: Embrace the differences in your home.  Everyone brings something good to the table.  I’ll admit I’m still working on this one.  I like to go to bed with things picked up; the drinking glasses put in the dishwasher, the popcorn baskets put away, the newspapers put in the recycle bag.  Now my husband…when it’s bedtime it’s bedtime; lights off and doors locked.  I’m learning to embrace our differences.  If I get things picked up before the end of his program that’s great, but if I don’t I’m learning to not get all worked up about it.  Shut off the lights and go to bed.  Guess what I found out?  It wasn’t a matter of my husband being “messy”…he’s a morning person!  When I get up he has already cheerfully cleaned up the kitchen counter, unloaded and re-loaded the dishwasher.  What a deal!  Everyone’s happy.

Real Problems: There are times when the issues are serious and change is required.  If the state of affairs is affecting safety, job performance, financial obligations, or emotional well-being the situation needs to be addressed immediately.  I would suggest setting a specific time to sit down and discuss the matter unemotionally.  Present the facts and offer a couple of solutions.  Be prepared to listen.  Ask the other person for their assessment on how the situation got to this point and if they have ideas for a remedy.  It is not about assigning blame, but about correcting the problem.

It really is possible for the organizationally challenged to live in harmony with the uptight organizer.  Before writing this article I asked my laid back husband of 34 years what he would say to those people trying to live with someone like me.  I was surprised at his answer, “Try it you’ll like it”.  I’m either actually winning him over or he is one very smart husband.

(Next issue: “Living in Harmony: Practical Tips to Make it Work”)