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"When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in
thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also."
II Tim. 1:5
I asked my daughter to write
an article about her perspective of those beginning weeks and months before she left for Romania as it related to parents
of missionaries. It took me by surprise…but I hope it will be helpful to those going through
something similar. I recently read the book “Parents of Missionaries” (see Book Jacket) and this was the first issue they dealt with…the parents’ need for information and the children’s response.
Evidently we are not unusual.
A Look Back
from the Other Side
I will never forget the night that God called me into full-time missionary work.
It was Sunday, April 14, 2002, I was at church listening to an older missionary speak, when God spoke to me, “YOU,
go and teach all nations.” From the beginning my parents were very supportive of me following God's
call to the mission field even though none of us really had any idea what we were getting into. Although I was a twenty-something business
woman, I wanted to follow God’s leading and excitedly began telling my pastor, parents, friends and family that God
had called me to be a missionary. They all responded with words of encouragement, but I could see and hear
the questions in their eyes and voices. I tried to keep looking at this new development in my life as an
adventure, but all too often questions like “Am I qualified for this job? I’m a business person.”
Or “Will I be able to support myself?” would push me into a state of fear and doubt. God’s
word, the Bible helped renew my mind with promises of His never-ending presence and strength, but it was hard to take those
same verses and comfort those around me. To my surprise, my biggest supporter in life, my mother, unknowingly
became my biggest source of frustration and doubt. She too was struggling with this new call of God and
the unknown future. (see Feb. 2009)
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| The Rom Bible Study ladies with Kim |
Unlike
before, we were both in a time of emotional crisis unable to give the strength we each needed. My calls
home seeking encouragement were met by her sharing her personal struggles which filled me with guilt. “Misery
loves company” does not apply to my personality. I live more by the phrase, “Suck it up and
tough it out.” I needed to hear her usual self say, “You’ll be great, honey!
God will provide. He is going to do great things through you. Hang in there!”
I was devastated that my mom was making this process even tougher. My phones calls became fewer
as I sought encouragement from other people which sent Mom into a panic. I have to honestly admit that
I’m not sure what turned the tide for us, but at some point we began to COMMUNICATE our needs, not just our feelings.
I came to realize that Mom was incapable of giving me encouragement that she did not have. She came
to realize that her outbursts of tears and barrage of questions only pushed me away because I didn’t have answers to
give her. Mom began to say, “I know this is a busy time for you, honey, but it would really help
me if you could. . .” I began to give her regular updates with any information I had to help her
deal with the doubts and questions that filled her mind. . By God's grace, we successfully navigated the uncertain
time of "deputation" (preparation time before departure). We learned a lot about each other’s
personalities, love languages and coping skills which would help us to survive the many years we would be separated by a seemingly
unsurpassable ocean. Suggestion to parents: Ask your child what they need from
you and be ready to communicate what you need from them. Be ready for compromise as you discuss what each
is capable of doing during this tough time. Two books that really helped in this process were:
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman and Trusting God :Even When Life Hurts by Jerry Bridges. Websites I have found helpful:
www.womenoftheharvest.com A bi-monthly newsletter written by women on the mission field.
www.womenoftheharvest.com/legacy A supplement written especially for parents and families of
cross-cultural missionaries
www.pomnet.org National Network of Parents of Missionaries (NNPOM) They have a newsletter
as well as many links to resources, including a blog
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